How many of you have looked at the women in your life and thought "how do they do it?". I know that I have done it more times then I can count. I have seen other moms at the grocery store with 4 children hanging off the cart and they are casually walking the isles filling their list meanwhile I am pushing my cart with only 1 child in it (I only had 1 at the time) and I feel like all my hair is standing on end and I am about to loose it if I don't find the last few items on my list and get out of the store. How do they do it? How do they maintain their composure with so many kids when I can barely handle my 1. Then I go to a moms morning out and I see all these moms dressed up so fashionably and their hair is just right, here I come in my "too short" jeans and a "nice" shirt that I have owned for 4 years and my hair up in a pony tail. How do these moms have the time to make themselves look so beautiful and get their kids all dressed up and cute as well. I drop into my chair feeling completely exhausted from frantically trying to get out the door to go to this event. How do they do it?
Since I was a young girl I always wanted to be that girl with perfect hair and an amazing figure. The only thing that I wanted to do differently from the girls that had this was to be kind to those that did not have those things (from my experiences the "pretty girls" were not usually nice to the "average" girls like me). I wanted to be beautiful physically so that the guys would like me the way they seemed to like the pretty girls. I also wanted to be friends with those girls who were pretty on the inside and that beauty shone through to their outward appearance. Those girls were truly beautiful.
My desire to be physically beautiful always won out over the inward beauty and I focused on that. So whenever I would see someone who was physically beautiful that is where I focused my attention. It became such a habit that I began to judge myself according to others. I was not good enough to be her friend because she was very fashionable in the way she dressed and I was still wearing my frumpy clothes that were handed down to me 3 years before. I was not as outgoing as that girl so she would not want to be my friend. She always has really nice hair and there is no way that I would be able to do half as good of job so I will steer clear of her. There were many times growing up that I was made fun of for the clothes I wore or the way I did my hair or the manner in which I would speak or take part of the conversation. Each time that I was made the laughing stock I took it as a direct rejection of me and who I was.
To me, how I looked and how I contributed to the conversation made up who I was.
Recently (within the last month) I have come to the realization that it is not how a person looks on the outside that determines what kind of person they are, it is what they look like on the inside. I do agree that we need to take care of ourselves because our bodies are the temple of God, but that does not mean that my entire focus needs to be on what I look like. My relationship with my Saviour is by far more important than any new fashion trend or latest hair style. I know that I do not need to wear make up, do my hair just right and wear the latest fashion trend in order to serve and praise my God. I can do that in my bathrobe with bed head as long as my heart is in that place of worship.
So ladies, if you see me in the grocery store or at a moms group and I look like I just threw on some clothes and put my hair up in a pony tail just know that it is not my outward appearance that I am working on, it is the inner beauty I know is in there somewhere that I am searching to find. I am not always graceful but I am working on that, I may not have the kind of patience I should have but God is teaching me day by day. I know that every day when I leave my house I am still going to feel the urge to judge myself and my situation because some how some where there is someone else out there that looks nicer than me and seems to have it all put together. It is in those moments that I need to run to my Father and seek his approval for how I look... on the inside.
1 comment:
I spent quite a bit of time with you when we were adolescents and teenagers, and I always admired how you were a nice and kind person. (pretty on the inside) and I have always considered you to be a pretty on the outside person too Jen. Yes I struggle with these same things, and I agree being pretty on the inside and serving and loving God is much more important than being outwardly pretty.
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