For the last couple weeks I have been thinking about what God wants from me. In one of my moms groups we have been working on making mission statements for the roles that we have in our lives. This has really got me to thinking about what God wants from me in each role that I fill. The first thing we were supposed to do was make a list of all the roles that we fill and then prioritize in order of importance. My first thought is that my children come first then everything else because they are the ones that I spend the most time with. As I started to dig into the Bible more to find verses to put into my mission statement I realized that my priorities were not in line to what God wants. My first priority is supposed to be God. When I thought about that I realized just where I had placed God... on my to do list. I was reminded again today that I need to be spending more time in His word and in conversation with Him. When I am closer to my God then and only then can I be the wife and mother that I am meant to be.
I have been reading Paul's letters to the Corinthians and I feel as though I can relate to Paul in one of the ways he speaks of. He says that he is more bold in his letters and shy when speaking in public. It was easier for him to send a letter to the people he loved than to speak to them face to face. I feel the same way. There are so many times when I have things that I want to say but I am too afraid to speak them out loud. After I read that Paul had the same affliction (I don't know if he was afraid but I am) I asked if there was some way for me to speak what He has placed on my heart without actually having to speak in front of people. As I was sitting there thinking, this blog popped into my head. Yes, I could use this blog to write down what God has been doing in my life and what He has been teaching me. So what better way to start than by sharing with you all where I have come from.
I was born and raised in a Christian home. I have wonderful parents who taught me to love the Lord from when I was a young girl. As a child I was a people pleaser and I tried to do whatever it took to stay out of trouble. I did have my moments of disobedience and I know that I had my fair share of consequences (my sister may say other wise). I went to a Christian school all the way through to grade 12 and I do not regret that at all. When I was in high school I had the honor of praying with a very close friend of mine as he gave his life to Christ. At the time I did not understand fully the huge step he was taking I just knew that if he wanted to be in Heaven one day then that is what he needed to do. I was so excited for him and I will always remember that day. I felt as though my walk with God was so strong and that in everything I did I lived my life for him.
I graduated from high school and moved to Brandon to attend Brandon University. I was taking courses to become a teacher. As I met people and made new friends I realized that I had lived a privileged life. I did not know a lot of what was going on in the secular circles and a part of me felt as though I was better than others because of how I grew up. As the years went on God worked in me and gave me a desire to help others instead of judge them from my holier than thou platform but I had no idea of how to help them if I had not experienced what they had been through. I am sure you know how it feels to be told how to fix your problems by someone who has never been in your situation or who has no idea what they are actually talking about. That was me. I wanted to give advice and to help people but what could I actually say that would be of any encouragement at all. So one day I asked God to let me be more experienced with the world so that I would know how to help others. I had no idea what I was asking for and I was not ready for the answer. God began to allow me to go down paths that I would not have taken and allowed circumstances to come up in my life so that I would learn what it was He wanted me to learn.
At the age of 20 I started dating a guy. This was my first boyfriend ever and I was in love with the idea of having a boyfriend. We met at a funeral for a friend that I grew up with who was killed in a car accident. I was moved by how emotional this guy was and a part of me wanted to help him and make him feel happy again. As we started dating I knew that this was not really the kind of guy God wanted for me but he loved me. He spent every last minute trying to make me feel like the most treasured girl in the world. The only problem was that I was not attracted to him I was attracted to the idea of having a boyfriend. He was a nice guy (very redneck, sometimes to the point of being extremely ridiculous). I liked the attention. We dated for 4 months in which we got ourselves into situations that were not in any way God honoring. I broke up with him the day after Christmas (I know... what a nice person. Wait for the gifts to be shared and then take the loot and run). When I went back to University after the Christmas break my friends all told me that they knew he was not right for me. I was frustrated that no one had bothered to share their thoughts with me but thinking back now I know that I would not have listened anyway.
Life went back to normal after that. I got back into school work and finished up the year. I went home for the summer and worked. The next year I came back and life resumed. God allowed one situation after another to come into my life each with a teaching point attached to it, all I had to do was look for it. I remember sitting with my best friend at the time talking about the problems in our lives and being able to encourage each other. Helping each other through our different issues. One time we were sitting in her car talking, we had been there for a while deep in conversation when there was a knock at the window. A nice police officer just wanted to make sure we were OK and then told us to take our conversation somewhere else. God was really shaping my life in ways I would appreciate later on.
It was the fall of 2005 when I met Mike. We met at a basketball game (he was friends with my roommate and asked her if she would want to come so he would not have to go alone. She did not want to be there alone with him so she asked me to go too). I thought he liked her so I kept giving him types on how to ask her out and what kind of gifts he should buy her. Then on Nov.2, 2005 he asked me if I would want to go out on a date. He was a pretty funny guy so I thought "why not". Our first date was Nov. 4, 2005. He took me to Kirkaldyheights school and we sat on the play structure in sleeping bags eating tim bits, drinking hot chocolate and reading kids stories (because he knew I wanted to be a teacher and thought I would like this). It was a great date and even though he was harassed for it later by his friends I loved it. I knew that this was a guy I wanted to get to know better. We dated for two years during which God, again, brought situations into my life that caused me some momentary pain and heartache. I know now that they were teaching opportunities that I had asked for but at the time I just did not understand.
In Nov. 2006 Mike asked me to come on a trip with him and his family to New Zealand!!! I said yes, absolutely. On January 13, 2007 Mike proposed to me beside a man made river with lit up fountains in it. It was a random spot (not searched out before hand) and it was beautiful. I said yes and I am so glad that I did. 6 years and 2 children later I could not love this man anymore than I do today.
Over the next little while I will be sharing some specific instances in my life where God has helped me and taught me lessons I never thought I would need to learn but am so thankful that I have learned them.
Psalm 73:25-26
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